Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Laugh a Little !   1 comment

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With all the violence and depravity in the news now, isn’t it time for a little levity ????

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I had a knock at my door earlier, it was a policeman…
“Mr Cook?”
“Yes,” I replied.
“I’m afraid your dog has just been reported to have chased someone on a bike.”
I said, “That’s a crock ! – my dog doesn’t have a bike!”

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This past year saw the coldest winter since records began

for countries in the northern hemisphere.

It’s been so cold that numerous politicians were actually

 seen with their hands in their own pockets.

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Diet Day 1: Just removed all the fattening food from my house, it was delicious.

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If con is the opposite of pro, it must mean Congress is the opposite of progress?

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Why was the jazz movie rated R?
Too much sax and violins.

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My friend boasted he had the body of a Greek god.

I had to explain to him where Buddha actually came from.

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Posted June 7, 2017 by PapaBear in Humor

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~~ HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY ! ~~   5 comments

 

 

Know that ye can’t kiss an Irish lass by surprise,

only just sooner than she thought ye might ! 

…and now ’til day be done,

may yer day be filled wi’ Irish fun !

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Lá Shona Fhéile Pádraig go léir!
Sláinte ag!

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Posted March 17, 2017 by PapaBear in Experiences, holiday, Humor, Poetry, Uncategorized

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~ The List ~   Leave a comment

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Makin’ my list…, and checkin’ it twice. 

Have you been nicely naughty ?  …or naughtily nice ?

Or are you one of those nasty rotten ones

who will just get a lump of coal this year ???

Well….., Which list are you on ?

Posted December 21, 2016 by PapaBear in Humor, Prose, Uncategorized

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~~ The Holidays ~~   1 comment

MERRY XMAS !

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The holidays… !!!!!  What holidays???

I took special note this year about the advent of holidays…, Valentines Day, this one obviously starts somewhere around January 5th as that’s when all the stores are loaded with cards and candy.  Easter, this one obviously starts a week before Valentine’s day.  Mother’s Day, starts on Good Friday.  Father’s Day…, well, that one is rather dubious.  Maybe it doesn’t sell so well as Mother’s Day.  The 4th of July, that one starts two weeks before Father’s Day.  The 4th is also the beginning of “back to school” sales.  Veteran’s Day…, well, that’s another one of those dubious ones.  Thanksgiving…, I think that started about the same time as the beginning of school and its beginning coincided with Halloween.  By late September all Halloween stuff is off the shelf and stores are decorating and stocking for Christmas.  Well, that almost sums it up, but wait…, I forgot New Year’s Eve/Day.  That starts 2 weeks before Christmas Day.

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Why do I even care?  I guess I’m just a curmudgeonly old fart that simply can’t buy into the contemporary style of modern marketing.  Let’s face it folks; stores really aren’t concerned that you can do early planning and acquisition of needed things.

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They’re just out there trying to grab you more and more often for more and more money.  I can’t wait to hear how much more people spent on holiday gifts this year over last year.

What ever happened to preparing for and celebrating holidays one at a time?  Nowadays a person really can’t be sure what time of year it is by walking into a department store.  Christmas decorations are up by late September.  By New Year’s day spring/summer clothes are on the shelves and racks.

Yeah, I’m ranting…, but it’s one of my favorite rants…, so there !!!  I haven’t become Scrooge yet…, but I have the wardrobe for it just in case the mood really strikes me.

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What was that phrase again ? …  bat humdrum…, ball hummer…, Oh yeah, bah handball…, or something like that!

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Merry Easter and….., ah, just forget it !!!!!

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A Bit o’ Humor   Leave a comment

 

An Irishman was flustered not being able to find a parking space in a large mall’s parking lot.

“Lord,”he prayed, I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up drinking me whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday.”

Suddenly, the clouds parted and the sun shone on an empty parking spot.

Without hesitation, the man said, “Never mind, I found one.”

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What do you call an Irishman sitting on a couch? “Paddy O’Furniture”

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A Swiss man, on holiday in Dublin, needed directions. He was standing outside Davy Byrne’s pub when he saw two youths walking by so he stops them and asks,  ‘Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?’

The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at him.

‘Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français?’ He tries.

The two continue to stare.

‘Parlare Italiano?’ Still absolutely no response from the two lads.

‘Hablan ustedes Espanol?’ The Dublin lads remain totally silent.

The Swiss guy walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood.  One of the boys turns to the second and says, ‘Y’know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!’

‘Why?’ says the youth, ‘That guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good!’

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Y’all needed a smile for the day….., didn’t ya ?????

 

Posted December 12, 2016 by PapaBear in Humor, Prose

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~~ My Annual Reminder ~~   4 comments

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I will seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.

I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you moan and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy, and beg for me to stop.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I’m finished with you.

And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

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NOW GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER AND GO GET YOUR FLU SHOT !!!

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Posted October 25, 2016 by PapaBear in Experiences, Humor, Prose, Uncategorized

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Shopping Trip   1 comment

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Saw this couple while I was shopping in Chicago.

They must have been shopping for

Halloween Candy………, or something else maybe…?????

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Anyone have any ideas ???

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Posted September 27, 2016 by PapaBear in Experiences, Humor, Personal, Prose

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