Enough of this other blarney, here’s a bit of the humor that the Irish are known for…
Old Paddy Murphy took his wife to the hospital to have a baby. After waiting for a while in the waiting area, Paddy picked up the hospital
house phone, called the doctor and said, “hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What’s the news on Mrs. Murphy?” The doctor answered, “You are the
father of a fine baby boy, but hold on because it’s not all over yet.” After about a half hour, Paddy called the doctor back and asked, “Hello, this is Mr. Murphy. What’s the news on Mrs. Murphy?” The doctor answered, “You’re the father of twins, a boy and a girl, but hold on because it’s not all over yet.”
After another half hour, Paddy called back and asked,”Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what’s the news?” The doctor ansered, “You’re the father of triplets — two boys and a girl. It’s not all over yet, but it’s slowing down, so why don’t you go get something to eat; I’ll be here all night.” So Paddy went to a pub and got himself six shots of good Irish whiskey which he washed down with six pints of Guiness. He then went over to the phone, somewhat unsteadily, and called the doctor at the hospital — or thought he did. Actually, he misdialed, and dialed the local cricket club. When the person answered, Paddy asked,”Hello, this is Mr. Murphy, what’s the news?” The person replied, “All out for a hundred and one, and the last one out was a duck.”
A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin’ with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here he’s from the mother country as well. The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say – so am I and the second man hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here. Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I’ll be – so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us. The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks – how is business. The barkeep responds – not too bad – The O’Malley twins are here getting drunk again.
Old Man McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
“S’cuse me,” said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing,” said the Irishman, “the wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.”
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.”The room is quiet, and no one takes up the Texan’s offer. One man even leaves.
Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is your bet still good?” asks the Irishman.The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses, drinking them all back-to-back.The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If ya don’t mind me askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?” The Irishman replies, “Oh… I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”
You can’t kiss an Irish girl unexpectedly. You can only kiss her sooner than she thought you would…
Morning is the time to pity the sober. The way they’re feeling then is the best they’re going to feel all day.
Q: What is Irish diplomacy?
A: It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip
And the day wouldn’t be complete without supplyin’ all
with a few good Irish toasts for the upcoming event…
na Feile Padraig!’
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
May the roof above us never fall in,
And those gathered beneath it never fall out.
May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.
May God grant you years to live,
for sure he must be knowing,
the earth has angels all too few
and heaven is overflowing…
I have known many,
and liked not a few,
but loved only one
and this toast is to you.
May you have the hindsight to know where you’ve been,
The foresight to know where you are going,
And the insight to know when you have gone too far.